When was the last time you cried yourself to sleep? Not that I long for you to be emotionally distressed, enough for you to shed tears… Remember, you used to tell me, “Such a beautiful release it is to strum one’s emotional strings; to bathe naked one’s soul with the swelling eyes.”
Hush little baby don’t you cry, mama’s go’nna buy you a Mocking Bird.
And if that Mocking Bird don’t mock, mama’s go’nna buy you a diamond ring.
March 29,2008
I don't know what is going on with me.... I am lost.... don't know where shall I go.... what should i do.... I need a direction... :S
March 29,2008
Baby said you had to be a lover
One way or the other
Nobody wins without once giving in
So dont cry now, dont cry now
Love is just a game you played in high school
Girls know how to be cruel
Most of the time girls are cruel to be kind
So dont cry now, dont cry now
And we try to be cool as we dance in a crowded room
At the end of the day, making love to a paper moon
She said, boys do fall in love, they make time
They get love on a saturday night
And she said, hearts beat as they dance
In the street to a radio, oh Boys fall in love
Baby knows I like to be excited
No one wants to fight it
Its getting late so Ill just demonstrate
Dont cry now, dont cry now
And we try to be cool as we dance in a crowded room
At the end of the day, makin love to a paper moon
And she said, boys do fall in love, they make love
They get love on a saturday night
And she said, hearts beat as they dance
In the street to a radio
March 28,2008
The Epitome of a Mother's Love
Darling,
How often do you clean your [apartment]? Your toilet/bath/basin has to be cleaned everyday but since u are studying, u have to clean them once in 2 or 3 days.Your kitchen has to be cleaned each time after use. Your garbage got to be cleared once in 2 or 3 days. Your table should be wiped once in 2 days. Your carpet vacuumed once a week. Your fridge/oven should be wiped once in 2weeks. Your bedsheets/pillow cases washed once in one week preferably, at most 2 weeks. Well u be the judge on how clean u are?Also have u got time to exercise? No, means u are busy and not prioritising. Do u have time to respond to emails sent by family including relatives and sending out emails/cards to just say hello to relatives? Did you send a birthday card to daddy, [sister], [sister's boyfriend]? If u have not kept in touch with loved ones, then your priorities are wrong.Have u had time to pray, listen to sermons, read the Bible? This is important. Again priority screwed up. The same goes with your [sister]. I will nag her too.Sorry that I have to raise these up because I am your mom. No one else will tell u. It's my responsibility.[...]I just wish u to know and correct your weaknesses which are personal cleanliness, faith with God and social behaviour especially with regards to communication.I have my weaknesses too but I try not to allow these weaknesses to upset my life and the lives of people around me.
[...]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tom just stopped ranting to me after an hour because -- and ONLY because -- school beckoned. All I had to say was, dude, your mom's pretty nice. Mine? She would never be that concise.
March 27,2008
No Guarantees
I enjoy playing an online semi-role-playing game called: Kingdom of Loathing. The whole game is tongue-in-cheek, full of delightful puns, absolute silliness, purposeful misspellings or "typos" - and the characters are all extraordinarily well-rendered, beautifully done stick figures. The site is white with black text. The concepts are simple and while it's not like a MUD with real-time interaction with the other players (except, perhaps in chat, but I haven't ventured in there yet), it's a really fun little game. You get 40 "turns" or adventures for the day, but you can --
Wha?
Oh yeah. I wasn't going to talk about the game. Suffice it to say that I spend an hour or so with the game every day. I also spend time at the fan site The Kol Wiki as well for tips and hints when I get stuck. (Or to find out for sure what some game piece actually is.) I don't always hit the main page, but I did today.
And I was chilled.
March 25, 2008
Sketchy - yet another update
At this point, I'm flitting around the web looking up pictures of rusted junk ... and illustrations of rusted junk. Do I want him realistically rusty? If so, I'm headed in the wrong direction at the moment. Do I want him cartoony-rusty? I may already have made him too busy if that's the goal.
Then I remind myself that this piece is an exercise in learning Painter - sure, I want a nice looking piece when I'm done, and I'd love to be able to use at least a version of him in an online comic. But the real goal - learning Painter and improving my eye and my experience. :)
So, this is the little robot guy in the middle of my learning to use Painter and in the middle of rusting him up and attempting to add some depth. Remember ... he's still in process.
March 21, 2008
Sketchy - the next update
So, I'm continuing to play in Painter and try to get the hang of the program. I've actually only done a little bit with pastels, pencils and markers, but nothing with acrylics or oils. I'd always thought that the Painter program was only going to be useful to people who, well, were used to painting.So, this is the little robot guy in the middle of my learning to use Painter and in the middle of rusting him up and attempting to add some depth. Remember ... he's still in process.
March 20, 2008
Sketchy
Don't Feed the Trolls
March 14, 2008
Don't Feed the Trolls
My bedroom in high school and the first year of college, was, more often than not, pitch dark. It wasn't for the lack of trying to lighten it up - my mom bought the most sheer curtains she could find. And when I demanded "bed dressing" that matched my personality, Mom made matching curtains out of an extra set of the sheets. (White, with a stripe of rainbow down each long side ... yeah, I know. Early indicator?) Stark white walls, mostly white comforter, sheer curtains which let in the light from the street light at the corner of our front yard. But my favourite way to be was laying on my bedroom floor, all the lights out, just the glow of my "jambox"-stereo's equalizer dancing up and down.
This morning, once again, I've turned off all of the lights. I have the band Sick Puppies blaring on the stereo, though not as loudly as I'd like - my neighbors are still sleeping. The glow of my keyboard and laptop screen - and the blue glow of the stereo are all I want. I'm writing against the deadline of sunrise, remembering how easy it was for me to get lost in my introspection as a teenager and 20something in the dark. How much easier it was and is to reflect honestly on myself and my actions as well as the biomass I observe around me.I recognize that I'm damagedI sympathize that you are tooBut I wanna breathe without feelin' so self-consciousBut it's hard when the world's starin' at youTo me, this is the most interesting thing about the internet. You have all of these people with their foibles and faults and strengths ... you have these intercies, these nodes, of common interest where this diverse mass of individuals pour their thoughts into shared pixel representations.Why do we do this? Why do we strive to share our experiences and thoughts with everyone else? Why do we strive to get people to understand what we're thinking, feeling, wanting?It seems to me that no matter how introverted or extroverted an individual is, we all are reaching for some connection beyond just our self - to know that we are not totally alone in our thought or experience or feeling. That someone groks at least a fraction of who and what we are.What I constantly strive to understand, and I'm not sure I'm capable of really understanding it, is why some people are literally so lost in their own individuality that they cannot hear the experiences and feelings of others.I can't even begin to recall how many times I have read the pixels of people who define their world by "I'm right" and you're either 100% with me or 100% against me. So when I see one of these people laying their pixels down in a frantic dance of light and dark dots, I'm sucked in by my own curiosity and confused fascination. When I watch as they blithely ignore the community around them and choose to take disagreement as attack; when they insist on reading a helping hand as condemnation.And, then, of course, all of our shared human foibles come to the fore. The helping hand and the civil disagreement becomes frustration and anger - which does become attack and condemnation. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy that leaves the outer edges of the community in confusion and often shock. It's like seeing the "perfect couple" have a real fight finally. You see sides of these people that you never suspected lurked beneath all the letters they've strung together on the internet.And when the smoke clears and all the participants who are able to do so actually sit back and take a look at what happened and how they contributed to the explosion, they are left with this conundrum:How do I both "protect" my self, ideas and beliefs ... and balance my emotional reaction ... and walk away from the trolls who only want a fight and to get everyone riled up?How do we differentiate motive on the net without body language and tone of voice to help us decipher our pixelated world?In my experience, it becomes about building a context. If one person's response to disagreement is to always either ignore or attack, with no middle ground attempting to bridge differences and create understanding, then that person is probably simply trolling for trouble. It's a subjective thing. And, in online communities, it's a dangerous field to walk across. Newer folk are going to tend to side with the troll when the old hands attempt to slap down the troll out of frustration. The old hands know the history and have often decided to take a stand to defend their community and hunt the troll until they've left the community. New people, not knowing that the troll may be currently presenting the mask of the maligned victim in order to garner support and thus keep the battle going on longer, may openly side with the troll in an effort to defend their new community from bullies.The term troll is highly subjective. Some readers may characterize a post as trolling, while others may regard the same post as a legitimate contribution to the discussion, even if controversial. The term is often erroneously used to discredit an opposing position, or its proponent, by argument fallacy ad hominem.Often, calling someone a troll makes assumptions about a writer's motives. Regardless of the circumstances, controversial posts may attract a particularly strong response from those unfamiliar with the robust dialogue found in some online, rather than physical, communities.Experienced participants in online forums know that the most effective way to discourage a troll is usually to ignore him or her, because responding encourages a true troll to continue disruptive posts — hence the often-seen warning "Please do not feed the troll".Frequently, someone who has been labelled a troll by a group may seek to redeem their reputation by discrediting their opponents, for example by claiming that other members of the group are closed-minded, conspirators, or trolls themselves.No matter how even-handed ... how just ... we try to be, the fact of the matter is, we are not perfect. We snap. We jump to conclusions. We get tired and cranky. And what separates us from the trolls? We are able to step back and re-evaluate our behaviour, to try to learn from our mistakes, to learn when to stop reacting next time and walk away from what we feel is trollish behaviour.To creatures who seem to intrinsically need to be understood, it's a hard thing to walk away from that chance at communication. But some battles are won only when they aren't fought at all ... The light is beginning to make the curtains glow ... so now I leave you with this...
